People

Suck.

What I mean to say is...People really, REALLY suck.

Not all, mind you, but most.

So, now that you know Ms. Lori's true feelings regarding people, many of whom might just include YOU, here's a top eleventeen list for your enjoyment, and perhaps, embarrassment.

Should you see yourself in the following descriptions, I'll take no responsibility for your feelings of inadequacy or shame. That's your problem, not mine, Now fuck off.

Why I Dislike People

1) They smell bad

2) They talk about stupid things. Example topics:
a) Themselves, and themselves. Also, themselves.
b) Their high school glory days. Take your trophies, crowns and banners, and stick 'em up yer ass, you repugnant twits. You were the type of kids that made fun of me in eleventh grade, the type of person that shot their glory wad before age eighteen, and are now bitter, middle-aged, vainglorious gossip-mongers who pine for their lost youth.
c) Their "health woes," which are mainly psychosomatic in origin.
d) Their weight.
e) Their children and how perfect they believe them to be.
f) Roadkill.
g) How to find the way to San Jose.

3) They smile. A lot. Excessive smiling is nothing but a hideous mask that belies the true monster within.

6) And it is expected that you put on a mask as well, because if one does not smile, even if one feels like punching the smiling idiot that stands before them -- a smiling idiot who is going on and on about Stupid Things -- one is seen as "odd" or "aloof."

B) They lie. And smile while they're doing it. Usually about Stupid Things.

5) They take great pleasure in another's misfortune.

6) They believe that they have experienced or are experiencing a painful existence, regardless of the fact they:
a) Had a normal upbringing by normal parents
b) Brought their own present "misery" upon themselves, yet behave as if they are a victim with no recourse.
c) Are surrounded by friends and family who support them, and would do their utmost to help them.
d) Have never truly experienced victimization, abuse, loneliness, or extreme hardships.

6) When faced with someone who has experienced or is experiencing "d," it is beyond their comprehension, and are incapable of feeling true empathy. In fact, they will use someone's painful past or present as a means to feel superior or gain leverage of some sort.

7) They are intolerant of others who look, act, and believe in ways that are not mainstream.

8) They allowed and encouraged the tragedy that is the current administration.

9) They like receiving blowjobs, but believe it is an impeachable offense if a president fudges with semantics when questioned about receiving one. Evidently, it's fine and dandy to commit treason and wage unjustifiable war, though.

10) Their word is not something to be trusted, as it is rarely heartfelt.

11) They blame.

12) They champion the most deceitful of our society, sneer at the truth-tellers.

11) They make disgusting eating sounds.

13) They don't wash their hands properly.

14) They always want to shake your hand. One reason why I love Japanese culture.

15) They believe looks are everything. A person's character means squat if they aren't also conventionally beautiful. Funny, but in my experience, the most outwardly attractive people had the blackest of souls.

20) They believe status is everything. But guess what, assholes? Real people, as in folks like me, find your car boring, your house boring, your designer labels boring, your income boring, your liposuction boring, your hatred of poor people boring, your intolerance, graceless pandering to the "elite," and self-absorbed nattering BORING.

So, to sum up, most of the human race is comprised of a smelly, filthy, prejudiced, status-worshiping, lying, cruel, non-empathetic, boring subspecies.

And that is why I prefer the company of my cat. Sure, she may lick her butt once in a while, but at least she's real about it.