Tom DeLay Takes Hike -- With God!

Tom DeLay, speaking with George Stephanopoulos this morning on GMA, claims that he's done nothing illegal, and that he's a victim of leftwing smearmeisters. “I walk with God,” he stated.

He walks with God?

Why, certainly! And Brian Doyle’s the kind of man I want coaching my daughter’s lacrosse team.

**rim shot**

DeLay also said that he'd hired a lawyer to investigate himself in order to prove that there were no rotting corpses hiding in his closet, and claims that the investigations, which supposedly dug into his political career as far back as twenty-one years, turned up clean.

Wow, so his own lawyer didn’t find even one little skull? Tom, I believe I owe you an apology. Now please, continue walking with God, right to the edge of Heaven, where the Lord will then kick you in the ass and laugh as you tumble into the great abyss.

When Stephanopoulos asked DeLay if he now felt a kinship with Bill Clinton (as regards to character assassination), DeLay emphatically stated “Absolutely not!” with apparent disdain, as if he'd been asked if he enjoys porking livestock while fantasizing about Barbara Boxer. Stephanopoulos, pressing for details on the corruption seething from DeLay's former office, seemed taken aback when DeLay’s forked tongue slithered from between his lips, and thick, black smoke trickled from his nostrils, but recovered enough to ask his opinion on the outcome of November’s midterm elections. Unfortunately, he lost it again when DeLay predicted that many seats would be occupied by Republican butt, whereupon Stephanopoulos coughed into his hand while surreptitiously sputtering “asshole.”

Well, perhaps DeLay didn't do anything illegal according to Satan's law, and sure, he can’t relate to Clinton, as DeLay never received sexual favors from interns (not that an intern would even consider servicing Mr. DeLay -- ew!), but as far as behaving in an unethical and deceitful manner, I think Tommy Boy might have a wee bit of trouble convincing those of us who aren't brain-dead (or pedophiles who work for the government) that he’s as harmless as a choir boy.