Kirk Cameron is Smart!

All right, here's the rundown: Been doing stuff, feeling stuff, annoyed by stuff. Hands hurt, look like Muppet hands, only not as colorful.

Rheumatoid arthritis is the shit! I mean, who wouldn't want hands like a Muppet? Very handy (pun!) when it comes to scaring small children.

Thing is, I must shave my mother's head today (how many of you have that on your daily schedule, huh?), and as cool as my Muppet hands are, they're not exactly working properly...Think I'll fortify myself beforehand with a Blue Light (or two), perhaps a Vicodin. Maybe a bologna sandwich.

Oh, don't worry, kids, no exposed, potentially lethal blades involved -- I'll be using clippers on Maw, will make sure the buzzing flappy thingie is set very high, so's not to, you know, accidentally scalp her.

Don't want to scalp my mother, oh, hell no.

Hey, speaking of hell, if you have a minute, or perhaps an hour, check out Kirk Cameron's nifty site of shame. Go ahead, if you're interested in having a good laugh. Seriously, I'll never look at a banana now without thinking of Kirk.

I also will never be able to say his name without smirking. Or referring to him as: Captain Kirk of the Starship Gloria in Excelsis Deo, Kirk of Nazareth, Kirkus Christ, Quixotic Kurt of Kalamazoo, Kirk, Son of Cthulu... Kirky, Kirky, Who is a Bit Jerky.

Eh.

Listen, if any of you happen to be fundamentalist Christians, and are appalled or offended by my obvious disdain for this mentally disturbed man and his, um, philosophies?

Please accept my sincerest fuck you.