Just Because I’m in a Really Bad Mood...

And feeling uncharacteristically homely today, I thought I’d cheer myself up by surfing the ‘Net for terrible pictures of usually gorgeous women. Feel my pain, bitches.
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Evangeline Lilly













Apparently, the Cindy Brady look is all the rage now. And I must say, I gloated just a little (fine, a lot) when I discovered that this otherwise exquisite woman looks terrifically bad in a swimsuit. There is a god after all.

Jessica Simpson







I almost felt sorry for her when I first saw this, what with the demonic possession and all, but then I remembered the pornographic Pizza Hut ad where Jessica, half-dressed and obviously suffering from collagen rejection, shoots big cheesy balls of sin into a quivering adolescent boy’s open mouth, and then my pity turned to immense glee.

Catherine Zeta-Jones

















Well, ‘allo, Miz Jones! Wot’s that scone doin’ on yer face, then? Blimey…Yer old nose, you say? A thousand apologies, ma’am. A thousand apologies!

Cameron Diaz










Honestly, this woman looks so ugly here, my son, who walked into the room just now, said, “Mommy, I don’t like that man.”

Thank you, Brandon, for saving me the time of thinking up an appropriate caption.

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Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce that I now feel a little less homely and sad.

Good day.