Quasimodo Called, and He Wants His Face Back

Well, goodness. Guess what I did on Saturday? That’s right! Hurt my eye so badly, I cannot see out of it, nor stand the pain for one more minute. Seriously. this is bad. It’s now completely closed, puffed up and purple like Mike Tyson gave it all he had, and feels like a tiny electrified squirrel is frantically foraging for nuts within my pupil. Bastard squirrel!

I was playing with my son, and during his laughing fit, he accidentally poked his whole hand into my eye. Unfortunately, I think it went straight to my brain. I saw stars, I felt the universe close up around me, heard nothing but the silence of space, and then I think I passed out for a few seconds.

I haven’t slept a wink since (heh). Tried everything from bathing my eye with saline solution to applying cold compresses, and really, I see no relief unless I take a sterilized spoon and dig my fucking eyeball out of its socket.

Well, that’ll teach me not to nibble on my boy’s pizza dough-like thighs, tempting as they may be.

Anyway, I’ll probably not be posting for the next couple of days. If you don’t hear from me within the next week, then you’ll know I’m swinging from a bell tower somewhere in France. Au revoir!