Your brilliant and achingly poignant portrayal of a homicidal gingerbread cookie in 2005‘s The Gingerdead Man is a work of pure genius, an unforgettable, spectacular moment in cinematic history, and were I a member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, I would not hesitate to suggest to the board that they nominate you for Best Supporting Actor in a dramatic film.
I shall never bite the head off of a gingerbread man without thinking of you, or perhaps even vomiting for hours on end until I am lying prone on the bathroom floor suffering from dry heaves.
I wish you continued success in the coming year.
Admiringly yours,
Ms. Lori
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