by Vladimir Putin
Comrades! Gather 'round
And I shall regale ye with hilarious tales
Of my adventures, all
True
Listen to me speak, with open mind
and open gullet
For I am not only fantastically masculine
I am wise, and I have much white lightning
In my pants
I rode my steed, dear Joseph
O'er the unforgiving, lady-like terrain of Tuva
With effortless though practiced grace -- observe!
Am I not manly, do I not appeal to your aesthetics?
I frighten myself with my own machismo
And sexual fires
My skills include handling a rod, as well
Note how my forearms are large as briskets!
My tender expression, as I gaze to my left
Reflects the yearning in my breast
For the days of yore
When I was very, very, very handsome
In fashionable, terrifying suits
As I made The People quiver with fear
And, I suspect, lust
I caught many fish, some big, some small
I brought home the sturgeon
Fried it up in a pan
While at the same time
Handling government affairs
Competently
According to state-guided media
The Americans should be so lucky
President Bush, you are a giant potato
That is half baked
Who rides like a woman
And catches no fish
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