Bollywood? More Like GOLLYwood!

Once again, Lar and I are watching our middle daughter’s friend for a few days while her parents are away at a conference, and it’s always a pleasure to have her here. This is a bright, adorable kid who has a wonderful sense of humor, a kind heart (she’s always nice to the boy, includes him in games, much to the irritation of his sisters), and a fascinating life story. She was born in Bombay, adopted by her parents there -- mom is Indian, dad is American, both brilliant professors at RIT -- and has visited more countries than I’ll probably ever see in my lifetime. She delights in introducing my daughter to Indian culture, the special celebrations, beautiful clothing, the delicious foods, and she even occasionally brings treats for me, which may be why she happens to be my favorite friend of Sarah’s. Bring me treats, your score rises ten points each time. (I added that last bit in case my oldest daughter’s boyfriend reads this).

So last night, the girl arrived packed and ready for her stay here, duffle bag filled to the brim with snacks and bathing suits, toothbrush and GameBoy, games, books -- and a treat for me! And not just any treat -- Indian cinema! What a sweetheart, that girl, to remember our last conversation wherein we discussed Indian cinema, Bollywood, such as it may be, and how interested I was in foreign films, especially Asian and East Indian.

Darling, precious, sweet, thoughtful girl.

The smile on her face was heart-melting as she reached into her bag and produced -- proudly, I might add -- the film. I anxiously ripped it away from her tender hand and inspected the cover. “Everyone who’s seen this has loved it,” she said with that lovely, proud smile.

I hurriedly flipped the DVD over and read the synopsis. “My mom and dad really like this one.”

My throat dry, my stomach lurching a bit, I flipped the case over again and stared at the dark-haired beauties that graced the cover, stared at their half-closed eyes, their luscious lips barely connecting. “Um. Honey? Have you seen this?”

“No, I haven’t. I think it’s for big people. But everyone says it’s a great film.”

I continued staring at the case, read the words “BANNED IN INDIA!” over and over again, my mouth quivering, tried to compose myself as wild laughter bubbled within my chest as I read the words “LESBIANS!" and “HOT!”

“Oh, you shouldn’t have…” I managed, my face, I’m sure, as red as the DVD cover.

“No problem!” she said cheerfully. “Enjoy!” Then she skipped out of the room to go play, oh, I dunno, dolls or something.

I immediately ran outside and told Lar about what had just happened, and he laughed, as expected, but what I didn’t expect was that he then jumped up from his chair like his ass was on fire, ran into the house, and finally -- finally -- hooked up the DVD player that’d been growing dust in our bedroom.

Yay for lesbians!

Addendum: Poor Lar. Turns out the flick is a beautifully made and intellectual character study, not a porno.

To say he was disappointed is an understatement.

BWA-hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!